I can feel it in my bones... or rather my lack of bone aches. I usually hurt so badly when I get up in the morning. I've had a bad back for as long as I can remember and the weight doesn't help a thing. I got this new pillow - it's a memory foam body pillow, and last night was my first night sleeping with it. Heaven! Everytime I woke up I was wrapped around the thing. It's my new bedtime buddy... sorry honey, move over. LOL. Just kidding honey.
My little girl Abby, who is 7, has started lately setting her alarm for 6:30 (when I get up) so she can spend some alone time with Mommy. I'm proud of her. She saw a need in herself and figure out a way to fill it. It is very hard these days to get alone time with Mommy. We have four kids and a 3 bedroom ranch house with no basement. Alone time is kind of a myth in our house. I admit I am enjoying very much that half hour with my little one. We usually snuggle on the couch for five minutes and then get up and have breakfast together. this morning we had "shakes" together. I made my regular breakfast protein shake, and in my other blender cup she had a strawberry carnation instant breakfast with blueberries in so it looked just like mommy's. Sitting at the table in the soft light of breaking morning sipping our shakes through straws and just looking at each other. These are the things she and I will remember long after we've forgotten the trip to the amusement park. These are the moments I want to have more of. On Saturday I spent an hour or two making a Lemon Battery with my 9 year old son. I know now how batteries are made (acid, zinc and copper - or in our case Lemon (acid), copper wire, and galvanized nails (coated in zinc). It takes about 4 lemons to power a 1.7 volt red LED. 6 does not make it any brighter. I didn't know any of that before making this with my son. Gosh, Never stop learning. Your kids have stuff to teach you, so does everyone you come in contact with if you'll just listen.
Okay, I promised I'd talk about things I'm looking forward to.. I guess you'd call them goals.. I call them my skinny girl dreams. Here's my top 20.
1. Not having to lift up my stomach to see underneath it. I know that is just a gross picture, but it's true. Most of my fat congregates around my middle. It's the most unhealthy shape to be, another reason I am so committed. After reading about how my fat is probably all around my organs choking them to death since I am apple shaped, getting rid of my stomach and that visceral fat is really something I'm looking forward to, for cosmetic and health reasons both.
2. Being able to bend over while sitting. God help me if I have to pick up something in the car. I sound like a sick hippo or something, with all the grunting and groaning and ugghing. I squeeze the breath out of my lungs trying to bend over while I'm sitting. I pray for longer arms...reaaaaaach. That will be wonderful!
3. Having more grace. Truthfully, I will never be as graceful as a gazelle. My mom used to call me a "bull in a china shop" (which actually they tested out on Mythbusters and found that bulls are actually quite nimble and can run all around a china shop and not break a thing, go figure!!) and I admit I don't always take in all my surroundings. I tend to have tunnel vision when I've got someplace to be and I'll admit I sometimes bump into people and don't even notice. Only my spouse or whoever is with me pointing it out will show me. But I remember last time I lost a lot of weight before the divorce that I felt SO much more graceful because I was LITERALLY lighter on my feet. I could do more so I felt more capable, and I think it MADE me more capable just to feel more capable. I was more aware of standing up straight when I was lighter. I tend to slouch way to much when I'm heavy. I am looking forward to being more graceful and just fitting places. I never quite got to the place where the airplane seatbelt wouldn't fit or I couldnt' fit in the movie chairs, but I did get to where I sometimes worried about it, and to where sitting in a booth in a restaurant could be a close fit. I'm looking forward to that not even crossing my mind.
4. Not always wondering if people are thinking about how fat I am. I know that is so negative, but I always wonder how my weight affects people's perception of me. I know many people think of fat people as lazy, undisciplined people. I am not lazy and not ... very.... undisciplined. (LOL). I work very hard every day taking care of my family. I am not sitting on the couch watching tv and eating bonbons. It makes me mad that people are judged because of their weight. You know my daughter (we are a blended family and she is my stepdaughter) is 13. She is very very thin. She eats like a horse. She just has a metabolism and genes from her mom's side of the family that makes her thin. She gets judged at school. People accuse her of having anorexia (which if they saw her eat would be so laughable) or bulimia. It makes her upset. she hates her skinny white long legs because people make fun of her. She is absolutely beautiful and I can't figure it out. Truth is some people just want to make you feel bad or make themselves feel better. I know this in my head, but in my heart I just want to think that if people are snickering about me it's because I am one weird chick, not because I'm fat.
5. on a more upbeat note. I'm looking forward to shopping for clothes in the normal size section. I had just gotten there when the divorce happened. I had bought a few things in size 14... it lasted so briefly I really didn't get to enjoy it. what I want to wear is dresses. I look horrible in dresses right now. I just look like a big sausage in anything one piece, bathing suit, dress, anything. I love those knee length sun dresses that come out in the summer. Some of them I can't wear regardless because I am a busty girl and need a good bra and good bras are very infrequently compatible with little spaghetti strap sundresses, but still, I would really love to just wear a sundress with some nice wide fabric straps to cover my brastraps and tucked in at the waist with a little twirly skirt. I get jealous when I see those beautiful clothes that smaller girls can wear. I WANT to shop in the petites section and find pants that are the right length. It's very hard to find petite big girl sizes. VERY hard. I don't know if I'm getting too old for knee length sundresses and I don't really care. I'm gonna wear them anyway. with a vengeance!
6. Looking forward so much to being able to play with my kids and not get worn out or out of breath so fast.
7. Looking forward to playing woman's softball with my church next season without worrying about my weight getting in the way. I tried for the first time this year and I thought it was so fun, but my weight really did take away from the enjoyment. I felt self conscious because EVERYTHING moves independently when I run... boobs, belly... all in a different rhythm. I know it looks funny. I've seen myself. My husband has told me. (not to be mean, just to be truthful). It's embarrassing. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I look forward to being fleeter of foot and stronger and being a real asset to my team.
8. Looking forward to looking nice in a bathing suit. I want to learn how to REALLY swim. I can swim, but I want to be a GOOD swimmer. I want to take lessons. I'm going to when I am thinner. I'm going to learn how to be confident in the water.
9. I'm looking forward to my Asthma improving. Not having to carry around an extra 100 pounds will help my lungs. That's the bottom line.
10. Looking forward to having more energy just because I am fit and properly fueling my body.
11. Looking forward to learning how to love healthy foods over unhealthy
12. Looking forward to kicking the sugar habit. I want to control the sugar that goes into my body, not have the sugar control me. Sugar is literally like my heroine. When I gained back all that weight after the divorce it was milk duds that caused it. I started going to movies a LOT. I went whenever my ex had the kids, to get my mind off the fact that my left arm and right leg weren't with me. I'd have a pack of milk duds. Well, guess what? I seemed to do fine and not gain any weight if I had a pack every time I went to the movies. So, I thought, what's one at home now and then. At some point I tipped that scale. I ate one too many of those evil little balls of deliciousness. The sugar cravings I thought I had beaten came back in full force and it was a downward spiral from there...or an upward spiral I should say... up in weight. I am determined that sugar will be a treat in my life from now on, not an every day occurrence. It is and always has been my downfall and I plan on putting this evil substance in it's place once and for all!
13. I am looking forward to my kids being able to hug me all the way around without having to team up.
14. I am looking forward to being able to get closer to my hubby. literally. with my big belly gone, and hopefully some of my new habits will reduce his belly size...we'll be able to get a good 8 or 9 inches closer when we cuddle. Can't beat that!
15. speaking of getting closer, I'm looking forward to an increased libido. I believe it will come with the weight loss for two reasons. One, I will feel healthier and stronger and have more energy at the end of the day. two, I will feel so much sexier. If I feel sexy I'll be sexy. My hubby has always found me sexy, but if I feel sexy too, I feel it will only make things so much better. Sorry if I got to personal, but it IS on my top 20 list. Gotta keep that fire burning!
16. Looking forward to trying fun new things I've always been scared to try. My kids go to the mall here in Lawrenceville. It has a cool thing where you get strapped into a harness and jump up and down on a big trampoline. you can do flips and stuff while you are up there. I've always wanted to try it. It looks so fun. I always worried I'd get in line and they'd say "sorry, the harness doesn't fit you, or sorry you are too heavy". Also, they weigh you so they know how to set the straps. I'm too embarrassed to let them know my weight! Also, if I could fit in it, and I wasn't embarrassed about my weight, all I could think of was what my BUTT would look like suspended in that harness 20 feet up in the air. Oh no. Well, I'm going to go bouncing... and I'm going to climb stone mountain, and I'm going to go geocaching with my family, and I'm going to go swimming, and I'm going to try water skiing if I get the chance ever. I won't be as scared to try new things if I feel good in my body, and if I'm strong!
17. I'm looking forward to making new friends. Ever since my friend Idaho Lisa left for Idaho (I call her Idaho Lisa so my husband knows who I am talking about when I mention her) I haven't had a close friend to get together over diet coke or tea and have a talk. I miss it a lot. I hope somewhere in this journey of connecting and reaching out I'll find that special friendship that I miss so much. Getting together for an hour or two each week at "our deli" for breakfast was something I treasured. Being able to share each other's triumphs, failures and faith was so wonderful. It's the one big thing I currently find missing from my life. As we get older it is harder I think to find someone whose life you can fit into and they into yours. This is a prayer of mine. That the friend I need will come along, and that she will need me too.
18. I'm looking forward to feeling like less of an outsider. I am not SURE this will happen with the weight loss. This may be just who I am. How I feel. I never feel like I fit in. I know I am a great friend. I'm loyal, I'm not judgmental. My good friends stay my good friends for years. I have just been very unlucky with either me having to move or my good friends having to move. So I know I can connect with people and I know I am a really good friend, but yet I still always feel like I am on the outside of life looking in. I can't seem to insert myself into the picture. I don't know if it is a confidence issue or what. Maybe I need therapy to get to the bottom of this. LOL. hmmm.... maybe I really do. I'm hoping through this journey that somehow, someway I'll feel more a part of things.
19. I'm hoping that my moods and my perimenopause symptoms will improve with the health and weight loss, and supplements. I am hoping I'll hit that magic combination where I am healthy in body soul and spirit.
20. I'm looking forward to growing closer to the Lord Jesus through this Journey. Though I don't always feel like it or act like it, he IS the center of my world. I oftentimes forget in the business of life that he wants me to succeed in Him, to grow in Him and to learn in Him. I am going to make a real effort to take the time I need to be with him daily in prayer and reading, and to ask him for the guidance to make this all happen. I know that as my time and commitment to my Lord increases, so will my Joy. I ask if you are a praying person, to pray for me. To pray for my commitment to my new lifestyle and to my Lord. That as one grows so will the other.
For Today, Blessings, Tanya
p.s. tomorrow I'll be writing on something I've been thinking about since I went to church and listened to the sermon on Sunday.. Forgiveness and weight loss.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Fit not Fat by 40
Okay, well I started this blog last year and then promptly forgot about it because I had little to say on a day to day basis. Well, things have changed so I'm back. This blog is still about my life, but it is also about my new journey I'm undertaking in that life... to be healthy and strong and live long. For those of you who aren't familiar with blogs (hi MOM!) the oldest posts are on the bottom and the newest posts are on the top so if you are going to read them all start at the bottom and read up :)... so here is my blog I recently started on a weight loss site I visit and I'm just posting the two entries I have so far entered and then I'm going to start writing here instead so anybody who is my friend and wants to know can see this. :) I'm baring my soul in these posts so if that is disturbing to you, stop reading here. LOL. I'm brutally honest with myself and sometimes that can be ugly. But warts and all, here's my life.
Well, I thought this a good and safe place to start recording my feelings on this journey. I've got a goal. I almost don't want to put it up. The devil on my shoulder says "what if you fail again? again? again? you've never succeeded, what makes you think you can do it now? Do you want to be made a fool of?"
Well, I've recently told that devil on my shoulder to get down under my heel where he belongs. I'm gonna crush him. I've survived much worse than having to lose weight. I've survived two abusive marriages! I've survived humiliation and defeat. I've survived betrayal and pain. I've survived as a single mom, and now I'm thriving as a happily married mom of 4 beautiful children. I've been saved by the love of God, and I've got nowhere to go but up from here. So why not I say? why not lose 100 pounds? ......oh there, I've said it... 100 pounds. It sounds so freaking daunting. Good lord... lots of diets say you should lose a pound or two a week. Okay, one pound a week, that's 100 weeks. geesh. That's a long time.
So I looked at myself in the mirror on August 12th, 2010. I'm fat. I'm way fat. I'm 240 pounds fat, and only 5'3" tall. Well, technically I'm 5' 3 1/2". I round it up to 5'4". Us short people need a break, after all. I've never been this heavy. My previous high was 235. I had lost a lot of weight right before my divorce in 2007. I'd been married 14 years and felt I finally had a handle on my life. I had lost 65 pounds on weight watchers. It was the first time I had ever lost more than 20. I thought I had made a permanent lifestyle change. I thought I would be able to live that way forever. Then I got the email. It said "I think my wife is cheating on me with your husband". That was the beginning of the end. My life went into a downward spiral - two marriages, four children, abandoned for what? some relationship on the internet? what is wrong with these people? I tried to hold it together, and I didn't gain a pound through the whole divorce proceedings... it was being a single mom that made me fat again. Well, that and Milk Duds. Milk Duds are evil. So much for the lifestyle change. I was so tired all the time. I worked at a preschool teaching two year olds and I was constantly sick with bronchitis or pneumonia. It wasn't for me. My health wasn't strong enough, but I wasn't qualified to do anything else. I had dropped out of college to marry the man who just left me. what a bad bad idea. Hindsight is so 20/20 isn't it?
So here I was. 38 years old and staring at this fat girl in the mirror. Knowing there was more to me than this big hanging gut and this fat face. If I frame my face with my hands I can almost see the "skinny" face inside the fat one. I feel like that's the real me. That's the one that deserves to be facing the world. I just need to let her out. I count the months. I'll be 40 on November 5th, 2011. 40 seems a milestone. I feel if I don't get a grip on my health by then I'll never get a grip. Then it will all come, diabetes, heart disease, joint disease... what else? My asthma will grow worse, my self esteem will drop even more. Worst of all I'd prove to myself that I don't have what it takes to make a change in my life. That I'm just not capable. So I look my fat self in the face and I make her a promise. This time I'm doing what's right for her. What's healthy and what's happy. I'm not going to follow any particular diet. I'm going to research for as long as it takes and I'm going to do this the right way for ME, for my body. I want MY body to have energy, My body to feel good, my lips to smile when I look in the mirror, my mind to say "yeah, you look good girl". As the blue eyed crooner said "I'm gonna do it my way!". I've got little clue where to start but I say this is it. 100 pounds by my 40th birthday. from 240 to 140. I haven't seen 140 for about 20 or 25 years. Can my body even get there anymore? how many pounds is that a week... hmmm.. kind of ambitious.. should I change my goal? Hell no.... if I "fail" and don't reach my goal by 20 pounds, have I really failed? No way! I've won..and won big.
First I went to my doctor. I told her the following. "I'm ALWAYS hungry. I never feel full. It takes massive amounts of food to fill me up. My servings are huge, and if they aren't I am snacking all night. I eat when I'm starving and I eat when I'm bored, and I eat when I'm sad and I eat when I am happy. My life pretty much revolves around my next sweet treat because I'm addicted to sugar. I can't stop. I always want more. I need help, tell me what to do." She gave me a medicine. She said it would help for a while to curb the ravenous appetite. She said my body would get used to it, probably quickly, within a few weeks. She said it would give me time to start some new habits without feeling miserable and starving all the time. I was happy but doubtful. I've been fat for years. why has nobody given me this before? Well, I tried it. It isn't that I wasn't hungry, it was that I felt I didn't NEED it anymore. I felt almost like it was some willpower in a pill. It helped me tremendously that first week. My first week I lost 7 pounds. I ate great, never straying. It was really inspiring and happy. I knew I couldn't keep that up. I also know I tended to lose a lot of weight in the first two weeks of my diet. I was happy but I wasn't fooling myself. I now have 34 more pounds to lose, just to get to that magical ONEderland of under 200 pounds. I'm in this for the long haul. I went to the doctor after one month. I'd lost 13 or 14 pounds by then. She took an EKG, patted me on the back and asked me if I was doing any exercise. Well, some. I did an aqua aerobics class I liked, but haven't been back because I've been on a major housecleaning, shed cleaning kick and spend my free time humping boxes and unloading and sorting and cleaning... oh yeah, and raising four kids. So I'll look into that. Right now I feel I'm active enough FOR NOW. I never sit down it seems until after dinner at 7:30 or 8:00. I'm always exhausted from my day. Right now I'm concentrating on figuring out how to eat for me. I decide I will add FORMAL exercise in slowly. I just vow to keep up and going during the day. She pronounces me fit, wishes me well and sends me home. Okay, now what.
Keep going. It's now September 20th. I'm down about 17.5 pounds. that's about 5 weeks give or take a few days. That's an average of more than 3 pounds a week. Not bad. I know my heavy losses in the first two weeks skew that average, but nonetheless, it gives me a boost mentally and emotionally. Last week I only lost .2 pounds, but I had spent the week kind of slacking as I tried to figure out exactly what would work for me. this week I've lost over 3. So I guess I figured out something good.
Here's what is working for me right now. In the morning I have a quick and easy (and very tasty in my opinion) shake. I add to a cup of skim milk one scoop of designer whey protein powder (vanilla is my favorite), a 1/4 cup of blueberries (or 1/2 a cup if I want it really blueberry-ee ?lol), two teaspoons of benefiber to boost my fiber (no taste, yay!) and two packets of splenda for a little sweetness. I find this really yummy and thick and creamy and it keeps me full until lunch.
For lunch I'll have another shake if I'm really busy, and if not I'll make an omelet with veggies, or some other egg dish that I can whip up in a non stick pan real quick, or I'll whip out the George Foreman grill and grill some chicken or salmon (love salmon... mmmm mmmm good). Throw some wheat rice and/or some veggies and a tall glass of skim milk (I love milk, it is my dairy of choice)..yep.. yum. For dinner I'll make the kids one thing and me another if I can't make what they are eating work for me, but since I'm trying to clean up their diet as well as mine, I usually can eat some of what's on the table. I try to keep it simple. I love greek yogurt, 100 calorie packs of smartfood popcorn, and sugar free jello cubes for snack. sometimes I'll splurge on some low fat icecream but I have trouble controlling myself, so I'd rather go have a real scoop now and then at brusters than bring it into the house. That way my indulgence becomes an intentional outing, not a bored sugar fed craving in the middle of the night. Trying to leave room for treats while being true to my plan. I try to eat between 1200 and 1300 calories a day. I have a great free app for my android phone. It's the spark people app. If you've never been to spark people it is a great site. you can track food, set goals, etc. It's all free. I like to hang out at this more intimate sight, but I love the app for my phone. I put everything I eat in there to make sure I am not eating too little or too much. I can track my protein fiber and carb counts, and of course my calorie counts. It's really handy to stop me from forgetting what I've eaten all day and it makes it easier to plan and to stick to my plan. I highly recommend it if you have a droid!
Well, that's the beginning of my journey. I've gone on for a while. I hope I didn't bore you all, but I want to remember everything and I wanted to start at the beginning. I want to remember my success, because I will succeed. I have to. My life depends on it. literally and figuratively. Next time I'll talk about some of the things I'm looking forward to seeing on the way, not the least of which is my feet!! :) Here's a couple of pics of me before. they are hard to find. I don't have any really recent ones. I keep meaning to take one but I keep forgetting. I've spent so long avoiding the camera that it is hard to find a picture of me, but here's a few from the last six months. My after pictures are going to be a lot better. stick with me. Here I go! This first one is me almost a year ago! I was not at my heaviest then! this is the day we got our puppies! My cheeks are so chipmunk.
This is me this past Christmas with my youngest, Abby. She was Mary in the nativity play at school. Gained some weight from puppy times but still not my heaviest. Got a nice muffin top going... Well, that's the last one I have. I haven't had my picture taken since Christmas. Shows how as the weight topped 210 I started hiding from the world. I'm going to try to get a picture taken of me in the next few days. I'm thinking I'm probably BACK to about this size now after losing the 17 pounds. A long way to go, but compared to the years I have left to live, it won't be too long... and after all, this will put more LIFE in my remaining years.
Well, I've recently told that devil on my shoulder to get down under my heel where he belongs. I'm gonna crush him. I've survived much worse than having to lose weight. I've survived two abusive marriages! I've survived humiliation and defeat. I've survived betrayal and pain. I've survived as a single mom, and now I'm thriving as a happily married mom of 4 beautiful children. I've been saved by the love of God, and I've got nowhere to go but up from here. So why not I say? why not lose 100 pounds? ......oh there, I've said it... 100 pounds. It sounds so freaking daunting. Good lord... lots of diets say you should lose a pound or two a week. Okay, one pound a week, that's 100 weeks. geesh. That's a long time.
So I looked at myself in the mirror on August 12th, 2010. I'm fat. I'm way fat. I'm 240 pounds fat, and only 5'3" tall. Well, technically I'm 5' 3 1/2". I round it up to 5'4". Us short people need a break, after all. I've never been this heavy. My previous high was 235. I had lost a lot of weight right before my divorce in 2007. I'd been married 14 years and felt I finally had a handle on my life. I had lost 65 pounds on weight watchers. It was the first time I had ever lost more than 20. I thought I had made a permanent lifestyle change. I thought I would be able to live that way forever. Then I got the email. It said "I think my wife is cheating on me with your husband". That was the beginning of the end. My life went into a downward spiral - two marriages, four children, abandoned for what? some relationship on the internet? what is wrong with these people? I tried to hold it together, and I didn't gain a pound through the whole divorce proceedings... it was being a single mom that made me fat again. Well, that and Milk Duds. Milk Duds are evil. So much for the lifestyle change. I was so tired all the time. I worked at a preschool teaching two year olds and I was constantly sick with bronchitis or pneumonia. It wasn't for me. My health wasn't strong enough, but I wasn't qualified to do anything else. I had dropped out of college to marry the man who just left me. what a bad bad idea. Hindsight is so 20/20 isn't it?
So here I was. 38 years old and staring at this fat girl in the mirror. Knowing there was more to me than this big hanging gut and this fat face. If I frame my face with my hands I can almost see the "skinny" face inside the fat one. I feel like that's the real me. That's the one that deserves to be facing the world. I just need to let her out. I count the months. I'll be 40 on November 5th, 2011. 40 seems a milestone. I feel if I don't get a grip on my health by then I'll never get a grip. Then it will all come, diabetes, heart disease, joint disease... what else? My asthma will grow worse, my self esteem will drop even more. Worst of all I'd prove to myself that I don't have what it takes to make a change in my life. That I'm just not capable. So I look my fat self in the face and I make her a promise. This time I'm doing what's right for her. What's healthy and what's happy. I'm not going to follow any particular diet. I'm going to research for as long as it takes and I'm going to do this the right way for ME, for my body. I want MY body to have energy, My body to feel good, my lips to smile when I look in the mirror, my mind to say "yeah, you look good girl". As the blue eyed crooner said "I'm gonna do it my way!". I've got little clue where to start but I say this is it. 100 pounds by my 40th birthday. from 240 to 140. I haven't seen 140 for about 20 or 25 years. Can my body even get there anymore? how many pounds is that a week... hmmm.. kind of ambitious.. should I change my goal? Hell no.... if I "fail" and don't reach my goal by 20 pounds, have I really failed? No way! I've won..and won big.
First I went to my doctor. I told her the following. "I'm ALWAYS hungry. I never feel full. It takes massive amounts of food to fill me up. My servings are huge, and if they aren't I am snacking all night. I eat when I'm starving and I eat when I'm bored, and I eat when I'm sad and I eat when I am happy. My life pretty much revolves around my next sweet treat because I'm addicted to sugar. I can't stop. I always want more. I need help, tell me what to do." She gave me a medicine. She said it would help for a while to curb the ravenous appetite. She said my body would get used to it, probably quickly, within a few weeks. She said it would give me time to start some new habits without feeling miserable and starving all the time. I was happy but doubtful. I've been fat for years. why has nobody given me this before? Well, I tried it. It isn't that I wasn't hungry, it was that I felt I didn't NEED it anymore. I felt almost like it was some willpower in a pill. It helped me tremendously that first week. My first week I lost 7 pounds. I ate great, never straying. It was really inspiring and happy. I knew I couldn't keep that up. I also know I tended to lose a lot of weight in the first two weeks of my diet. I was happy but I wasn't fooling myself. I now have 34 more pounds to lose, just to get to that magical ONEderland of under 200 pounds. I'm in this for the long haul. I went to the doctor after one month. I'd lost 13 or 14 pounds by then. She took an EKG, patted me on the back and asked me if I was doing any exercise. Well, some. I did an aqua aerobics class I liked, but haven't been back because I've been on a major housecleaning, shed cleaning kick and spend my free time humping boxes and unloading and sorting and cleaning... oh yeah, and raising four kids. So I'll look into that. Right now I feel I'm active enough FOR NOW. I never sit down it seems until after dinner at 7:30 or 8:00. I'm always exhausted from my day. Right now I'm concentrating on figuring out how to eat for me. I decide I will add FORMAL exercise in slowly. I just vow to keep up and going during the day. She pronounces me fit, wishes me well and sends me home. Okay, now what.
Keep going. It's now September 20th. I'm down about 17.5 pounds. that's about 5 weeks give or take a few days. That's an average of more than 3 pounds a week. Not bad. I know my heavy losses in the first two weeks skew that average, but nonetheless, it gives me a boost mentally and emotionally. Last week I only lost .2 pounds, but I had spent the week kind of slacking as I tried to figure out exactly what would work for me. this week I've lost over 3. So I guess I figured out something good.
Here's what is working for me right now. In the morning I have a quick and easy (and very tasty in my opinion) shake. I add to a cup of skim milk one scoop of designer whey protein powder (vanilla is my favorite), a 1/4 cup of blueberries (or 1/2 a cup if I want it really blueberry-ee ?lol), two teaspoons of benefiber to boost my fiber (no taste, yay!) and two packets of splenda for a little sweetness. I find this really yummy and thick and creamy and it keeps me full until lunch.
For lunch I'll have another shake if I'm really busy, and if not I'll make an omelet with veggies, or some other egg dish that I can whip up in a non stick pan real quick, or I'll whip out the George Foreman grill and grill some chicken or salmon (love salmon... mmmm mmmm good). Throw some wheat rice and/or some veggies and a tall glass of skim milk (I love milk, it is my dairy of choice)..yep.. yum. For dinner I'll make the kids one thing and me another if I can't make what they are eating work for me, but since I'm trying to clean up their diet as well as mine, I usually can eat some of what's on the table. I try to keep it simple. I love greek yogurt, 100 calorie packs of smartfood popcorn, and sugar free jello cubes for snack. sometimes I'll splurge on some low fat icecream but I have trouble controlling myself, so I'd rather go have a real scoop now and then at brusters than bring it into the house. That way my indulgence becomes an intentional outing, not a bored sugar fed craving in the middle of the night. Trying to leave room for treats while being true to my plan. I try to eat between 1200 and 1300 calories a day. I have a great free app for my android phone. It's the spark people app. If you've never been to spark people it is a great site. you can track food, set goals, etc. It's all free. I like to hang out at this more intimate sight, but I love the app for my phone. I put everything I eat in there to make sure I am not eating too little or too much. I can track my protein fiber and carb counts, and of course my calorie counts. It's really handy to stop me from forgetting what I've eaten all day and it makes it easier to plan and to stick to my plan. I highly recommend it if you have a droid!
Well, that's the beginning of my journey. I've gone on for a while. I hope I didn't bore you all, but I want to remember everything and I wanted to start at the beginning. I want to remember my success, because I will succeed. I have to. My life depends on it. literally and figuratively. Next time I'll talk about some of the things I'm looking forward to seeing on the way, not the least of which is my feet!! :) Here's a couple of pics of me before. they are hard to find. I don't have any really recent ones. I keep meaning to take one but I keep forgetting. I've spent so long avoiding the camera that it is hard to find a picture of me, but here's a few from the last six months. My after pictures are going to be a lot better. stick with me. Here I go! This first one is me almost a year ago! I was not at my heaviest then! this is the day we got our puppies! My cheeks are so chipmunk.
This is me this past Christmas with my youngest, Abby. She was Mary in the nativity play at school. Gained some weight from puppy times but still not my heaviest. Got a nice muffin top going... Well, that's the last one I have. I haven't had my picture taken since Christmas. Shows how as the weight topped 210 I started hiding from the world. I'm going to try to get a picture taken of me in the next few days. I'm thinking I'm probably BACK to about this size now after losing the 17 pounds. A long way to go, but compared to the years I have left to live, it won't be too long... and after all, this will put more LIFE in my remaining years. Blessings, Tanya
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