Back in the 90's there was a song by Pam Tillis called "Melancholy Child". The first time I heard it, tears filled my eyes, and my heart hurt so bad I thought I was going to fall down dead. I haven't heard the song in years. It seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth. It was hauntingly beautiful and yet filled with such sadness and longing. For a long time I didn't know why that song affected me so much, but as I grow older I have come to realize why. There is a melancholy child living inside me. She is the one that tears up for no apparent reason, the one who can't watch the news because she can't handle what she hears. The one that feels lonely in a crowded room. The one whose heart breaks and she can't tell you why it is breaking. She's lived there for a long time. I can't remember a time she wasn't with me. Below are a few of the lyrics that affected me so much so many years ago, and that still affect me today, as I look into my son's eyes, so very much like mine, and see signs of that Melancholy child in him.
"The sounds of my childhood still linger in my song
My mother's lullaby, that train that ran behind our home
A whippoorwill on a window sill - It should have made me smile
But everything sounds lonesome to a melancholy child
I met a kind and gentleman who thinks the world of me
And when he looks my way it is a woman that he sees
But when I can't explain to him the tears that fill my eyes
He takes me in his arms and rocks his melancholy child
There are thorns on every rose to this I'm reconciled
They're just a little sharper to a melancholy child
And in my own babe's eyes I see the signs of melancholy child
Heaven help us all, another melancholy child"
This Blog isn't going to be a sad blog about my inner crybaby though... I called it this in order to finally validate that lonesome little child inside me. I just recently realized that she lived there, and knowing she's there has freed me in a way. This blog is about the road I'm on. the road to self acceptance- knowing and understanding who I am and being just fine with it. It's a blog about my life. My four kids, my husband, My gracious God. It's a place to put down all the thoughts and memories we make along the way. I don't know yet if it will just be for me and my best friends, or for others to share too. Time will tell. For now, it is what it is. Shout out to Lisa, my darling friend, for inspiring me to get started finally on this blog I created some time ago! She's always been an inspiration and a friend among friends to me. I love you Lisa! and again I say, Damn Idaho!
