The Ugly Truth (or E is for Endurance)

I've been meaning to take a picture since I started this new healthy lifestyle. I want to record this weight loss and health journey in pictures and words. Somehow I kept forgetting. I don't know if my forgetfulness was a self protective ruse I was pulling on myself, or just my regular perimenoapausal forgetfulness, but I started this new plan on August 12th, and now it is two months later and until today I had STILL not taken a picture. I've lost 25 pounds since August 12th. I'm pretty proud of that. You know what the first thing I thought when I viewed these pictures was? "wow, and I was 25 pounds fatter than THIS!" Uggh. It's the ugly truth. I have 16 more pounds to go to break into "onederland". I used to have 41! This is a good thing! That doesn't mean I don't hate these pictures. I really do. But without the before, how will I be able to enjoy the after! Okay, here's the ugly truth. This first picture was taken July 4th, 2010. This was about a month before I started my new eating plan, so is probably the best picture I have of where I started on this thing, within about 5 pounds or so.

I almost deleted this picture, because I hate it so much. I hate that I let myself get that fat. I hate that I didn't even really notice how fat I was getting. I mean, I KNEW I was fat, but when I looked in the mirror I didn't SEE it... truthfully, I think I kind of stopped looking in the mirror at some point. I'd look, I'd brush my hair, and my teeth, but I wouldn't SEE. It is amazing how much your own mind can protect yourself from pain without you even having a conscious say in it! And yes, this picture does cause me pain. This person in the picture isn't a confident person, and isn't a happy person. This person thinks everyone is staring at her, thinking how fat and ugly she is. I'm glad I'm not this person anymore.

The pictures below were taken today. 25 pounds thinner. I'm still way overweight. I am still 215 pounds and 5 foot 4, but I like this girl better. This girl makes more good choices than bad choices. This girl looks in the mirror and can say "I'm moving in the right direction". This girl can feel proud that she's on a healthy journey. This girl is somebody I can live with. I feel very vulnerable posting these photos. Normally I'm trying to hide that stomach, hide those fat arms, and well....just hide. I've made myself a promise though. No more hiding. I have nothing to be ashamed about. I made bad choices and combined with my body type and my metabolism and my health issues, this is what resulted. It didn't happen overnight. It won't come off overnight. As long as I'm heading in the right direction, I'm content. I look forward to the pictures a couple of months from now, and the pictures a couple of months from then, and so on. I'm looking forward to the differences I'll see. It's such hard work, but thinking of it that way, it's almost exciting! I just have to keep up my endurance. The word says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with
endurance the race God has set before us." This is the race I'm running, in my faith, in my health, in my life. God has set me a race and I just need to keep running it. Blessings, Tanya