So I'm doing terrible on my healthy eating. I'm trying, but only kind of. It's really easy to get me off track. The last two days I've woken up hungry, and I'm thinking that is a good sign. Normally I'm never hungry because I eat so often I don't get a chance to be hungry. So this must mean I'm eating less, right? right? maybe? I don't know why I can't get serious. I NEED to get serious, because I am seriously FAT, and I am seriously going to be UNHEALTHY if I don't get a handle on this weight. That is serious, so why aren't I BEING serious about the weight loss?
I would like to think it isn't because I am just lazy and really want to eat what I want to eat. I would like to think that I have more control over myself than that, but sometimes I think... okay, if it waddles (literally) like a duck, quacks like a duck, etc...*sigh*
Sometimes I just get tired of thinking about it. Sometimes I just want to live and NOT have my weight be an issue, but when I live that way I am just pretending, because it is an issue. It affects how I act, how I move, my health, and how I think about myself. It does affect everything, so it is an issue, but I wish it wasn't.
All the wishing in the world won't make something happen though. I CAN'T eat what I want when I want, in the quantities I want and be a healthy weight. Yet my biggest problem seems to be that when I get at something I like, I can't just eat a LITTLE. I have to eat it ALL. It's like any health knowledge, self preservation skills, will power, and good intentions just evaporate like a light morning fog when I'm faced with Yumminess.
Especially sugary yumminess.
I have trouble with moderation it seems. Let's just put that out there. Sometimes when I write stuff down I seem to process it better.
Speaking of processing issues, here's another one I'm facing right now. My son, Jackson. He's had so much trouble with school the last two years. He's really made very little progress academically, and it's just recently we've started discovering that it isn't just willful disobedience - that his little brain just doesn't tick like most people, and we've been going through a lot in hopes of finding some solutions. I think HE is starting to get a glimmer of hope, and that gives us hope as parents. The crux of this issue for me though is this: I'll be homeschooling him this year. Gosh, that's hard. I'm terrified. He and I historically butt heads pretty badly over homework and I just keep thinking, it's ALL going to be HOME work now!!! I won't lie and say I have any confidence whatsoever about this undertaking. I have no choice. I am the only one for him right now. I am the one he needs. Lord, I am scared though. I have a homeschooling conference for three days at the end of this month and I'm going to be staying at a hotel for the duration (thursday and friday night). My goal is to be alone with all the information I gather and the Lord and my bible and to pray and seek him in solitude for the wisdom and direction I will need to lead Jackson this year in the direction he needs to go. I really feel the Lord and I are going to need a very serious pow wow about this. I need His strength and His direction and His wisdom for this undertaking. There is no way I will make it without Him. It seems my life constantly reminds me how little I can do in my own power. You'd think I'd remember it more often wouldn't' you? But no, I flail around like a lame duck on my own for however long and then go "oh, I guess I should be seeking the Lord about this!". My goal here is to seek the Lord FIRST and not do the lame duck thing. What a concept!!!
Oh, and on a VERY happy note, my brother accepted the Lord Jesus as his saviour! I've been praying for this for over 17 years. Just goes to show, NEVER give up praying. God is always working behind the scenes.
