On turning 40 (or, goodness, is it that time already?)

On November 5th, 2011 I turned 40 years old. My main thought that day was "goodness, is it that time already?" Turning 40 is not near as traumatic as turning 30 was for me. At this point I'm just too busy to worry about a little thing like getting older. When you have four kids underfoot all the time, you don't have much time to feel old. You are too busy just trying to survive it! I have learned a few things in four decades though. They may seem like simple things, but it took this lady many many years to take these lessons from my head to my heart. Here's my top 10. In no particular order......

1)  You will never please everybody, so stop trying.  Figure out who is most important to you, and try to please them.  For me it is God and my husband. In that order. If you are doing that right, and somebody else doesn't like it, they aren't your friends anyway. Let them go.

2) You'll never know who your true friends are until you go through a horrible crisis. Then you will know, and you will be surprised who lets you down and who doesn't. Hold on to those people who don't, and never let them go. 

3) The way you look is not who you are. This one continues to be hard. My great expectations of being "fit not fat by 40" were a dismal failure. I've actually gained weight. I'm heavier than I've ever been. Does this disappoint me? Yes, terribly. I'm frustrated at myself and my body. But I've also realized that I can't wait to live life until I'm a healthy weight. I may NEVER get there, and then where will my life be? Wasted in waiting. My weight is not who I am. If you think I'm lazy because I'm fat (this is a very common misconception people have about heavy people) come live my life for a week. You'll beg to have yours back. Some people just have a lot more problem with weight control than other people. It doesn't make that person less than. I believe this with all my heart, but it's hard when you are judged on your weight, to keep your head up.   If you are one of those people who never has struggled with weight, have some compassion and look past the fat. There is a person under there. One just like you.


4) Do your best, and move on. Not everything you set out to do will be a success. No matter how hard you try, how hard you want it to work out, or how much you pray - sometimes you will fail. Oh well. Do your best, and move on. There's always another hill infront of you, and if you don't try, you'll never get anywhere. If it fails, it fails. It doesn't make YOU a failure. The only way YOU become a failure is if you don't try at all. 

5) The past is the past. Leave it there.  who has time to be eaten up by regret, bitterness, hate and anger? NOBODY does. We can't change one thing about the past. The only thing we can change is the future, so quit living in the past. The past is past. Leave it there. Sometimes it hurts to let go of old grudges, and pains. You have made them into old friends, but they aren't your friends.. they will cause you to die old and alone. let them go.

6) Do what you know is right, no matter what. You might lose friends. You might make enemies. But you will sleep like a baby and stand with a clear conscience before God's throne. There's nothing worth more than this.

7) Get Saved. Seriously, I don't know how people get through this life without Jesus, and the hope of their salvation. I'd be dead by now if I didn't have the Lord. If you don't know Jesus, make it a point to get to know him. You won't ever be sorry you did.


8) You will be happier if you are thinking about other people more often than you are thinking about yourself. Let's face it, we all spend WAY  too much time wrapped up in our own little world and our own little problems. Even those of us with problems that are pretty big still have little problems when we compare them with much of the world. We are a spoiled people in America. Even the poorest of us have more than 85 percent of the world does. It's natural for us to be concerned with ourselves and our families and friends, and it's not wrong. I'm just saying, the more you are involved in helping others, through church ministry, mission, or just by being a friend, the less time you have to think about your own stuff. And the happier you will be. 

9) Be happy with what you've been given. We all sometimes wish we had more of something. usually money. Lately I've been wishing I had unlimited funds for therapy for my two children who desperately need therapy. I would be so happy if I could just get them everything they needed and didn't need to worry about if I could afford it. We can't help having those thoughts sometimes, but if you generally live with an "attitude of gratitude" as they say, you will be a much more content person. I have begun in the last few years to make a practice of looking at the big picture and seeing all my many many blessings. For every bad situation there is a good thing that will come out of it. We just have to search for it. Yes, sometimes life is really hard and I WISH that things could be easier, but if I try to look at what I've been given rather than what has been withheld, my whole attitude changes for the better.  We've all been given a lot. Just make yourself look for it. You will find it.

10) Don't stop trusting people just because you've been burned a few times.  I'm an EXTREMELY trusting person. I tend to always think the best of most people. I try to find a reason to excuse them for bad behaviour. (they've had a bad day, they are tired, maybe they are late for work, maybe their dog died). Okay, maybe they are just jerks, but we don't KNOW that. I've been burned bad, a couple of times. Part of you wants to shut down, shut off, and shut out the world when that happens. But no man is an island. Living apart from connection with people is not what God wants for us. Be discerning, yes, but don't stop giving people your trust. Many people will surprise you by earning it! Living with a closed off heart is not really living at all. I'd rather be burnt a few times than never feel the warmth of the flame.

There, for what it's worth, are the best things I've learned in the past four decades. Most of them in the past decade actually. I guess I'm a slow learner.  If there was one thing I wish I could change about the human race it is that our children could learn from what we have learned and don't have to always make the mistakes themselves to learn their lessons. However, this seems to be the way God has wired us. We've got to find out for ourselves. As a mom, this hurts me. I'd like to spare my children the pain I've had. Then again, I realize, with a few decades of hindsight, that I've grown the most from my biggest challenges. I guess they have to follow that same path - so that one day they too can write a blog that nobody reads, sharing the hard earned wisdom that everybody has to learn for themselves anyway! When put that way, it all seems kind of futile. Well, what can I say?

Happy Birthday to me :)