Wow, she's been horrible. For the last week, ever since high school registration, my almost 14 year old daughter has been ready to pick a fight with anyone! I've been trying to give her tons of grace because I remember how scary that first day of high school was. I remember how scary most days of high school were for that matter. This morning she wasn't awful. This morning she was excited, and nervous, and a bundle of energy.
Now, I didn't give birth to Elizabeth. Another mother had that privilege, but Elizabeth has been born again in my heart, and she's MINE. 100 percent. I watched her this morning, through her bedroom window, pacing alone back and forth, back and forth. She went from the tree to the bush, and back to the tree, weaving slightly like she'd had too much to drink too early in the morning. (6:15 for pete's sake!). I think it was really the weight of her colossal messenger style book bag, pulling her to one side, almost bigger than her slight frame. So small, and so young, and thinking she's so big and so old. My baby.
I'll tell you something. A mother doesn't give birth just once in a lifetime. It's like she's giving birth again and again, releasing her child from a protective womb, into the bright light and coldness of the world. Like a million small births, or maybe a million small deaths... sometimes they feel similar. Never in life is Joy so intimately mingled with fear as when we let our children go, step by small step, into the big cruel world.
Off drove the bus, out of my view, and out of my control, and into God's hands. Lord, hold her and bring her home safe and happy, I pray. It's her first day of school.
What a beautifully written post!
ReplyDeleteI had never considered this view,(probably because as a man I never experienced it), but as a father I can relate.
"Never in life is Joy so intimately mingled with fear as when we let our children go, step by small step, into the big cruel world."
I just might plagiarize this thought!