I felt I needed to say something about what I have learned since my roller skating debacle last week. Evidently, when your body is healing itself it takes every ounce of energy you ever had and decides to use it for those purposes.
My trainer says it is just because I'm healing, and possibly mixed up with that, that my wonderful hormonal time of the month is approaching, but that I'll get my strength back soon enough. Meanwhile, however, she has dropped my weight on my exercises to next to nothing, and I can barely get through them. I had to quit my hour walk on the treadmill yesterday at 41 minutes because my legs were buckling and I was losing my balance, and this after I first had to reduce my speed from my normal speedy (ha!) 3.0 miles an hour to 2.8 then 2.5 miles an hour, and reduce the hill program from level 13, to 11, to 10.
REALLY? WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?
I realize I had begun to feel strong, and that I now really dislike feeling weak!
I didn't think trying to lose weight and get fit would teach me so much about myself. I thought I was a pretty self aware person to begin with, but I've learned a lot about how I tick through this journey, and what drives me to do the things I do, and make the decisions I make, for good or bad. Also, I've started thinking a lot differently about certain things, and like a pebble in a pond, you think differently about one thing and it causes ripples through other areas of your life.
Ever changing, ever growing
I think the only way you can really fail miserably in this life is to stop trying - to stop striving for the best your life has to give, and the best you have to give life, because even the rough spots - sometimes especially the rough spots - change you and grow you and teach you and stretch you on the inside to be a little better, a little stronger, a little more noble, a little more generous, a little more grace filled.
Yes, I agree. That was a hugely messed up run on sentence, but I am too tired to fix it, and have grown enough through the rough spots to realize it doesn't really matter. :) .. you will catch my run on drift and life will go on.
speaking of which (I'm referring to life going on), they have extended the deadline for the biggest loser challenge at my gym due to both coaches having been on vacation for a week or two, so I get another week or two to get to my 199 goal (thank you God for small mercies, because Aunt Flo and weight loss just don't GO together) and I have another week or two to kick butt,win this thing, and finish strong!
So I'm praying my strength and stamina come back sooner rather than later, but if they don't, I'll just keep doing what I can and let God take care of the rest. I need to stop stressing about stuff I can't do anything about. Anybody else need to do that? Just me? I thought so.
Blessings, Tanya-Marie
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
My Rollerskating Fantasy (or, the truth hurts, literally)
Everybody knows I start getting anxious when I know my babies are going to be going away with my ex husband. I start thinking about doing something nice for them before they go. I start thinking about a fun memory to tide us over until we see each other again. Well, being low on funds and short on ideas I was ecstatic when a half off depot deal came through my inbox. Rollerskating for 4 including skate rental for only 20 dollars! We've lived behind sparkles rollerskating rink for 3 years now and we've never once been. It's quite pricey when you start adding up all the roller skate rentals as well as admission, and I've just never had the extra money sitting around, but 20 dollars for all 4 of us (Elizabeth was at a church retreat)....... I can see it now.....
My kids and I holding hands and gliding gracefully around the roller rink, laughing and having a fabulous time. Maybe one of the little ones would fall on their little behind. There'd be a shocked look on their face and then a burst of laughter. I'd reach down and pull them to their feet and off we'd go again.
Then, I dreamed of the calorie burn. Wow... rollerskating would be great exercise. Maybe I'd really like it, and be good at it (after all I grew up ice skating and was fine with that... how much harder than ice skating could it be?) and I'd start going there for good exercise a few times a week. I looked it up. 700 calories and hour! wow! awesome. I could feel the excitement in the air. That's it.
BUY DEAL NOW! Yes, please!
So thursday morning (the morning before they are due to go off with their dad for ten days to Florida) we set out to be at the door when it opens at 10. Everybody is really excited. This is a new experience for us. Sammy and Abby have roller-skated a few times with school events, but mom has never been with them, and Mom makes everything more fun! (I will be sad when this stops being true for them)
I took a few pictures for posterity. Here's Abby getting on her skates.
I stand. I wobble. Ok. This will take me a few minutes to get used to. I haven't ice skated for 10-15 years so it will take a few minutes to come back to me. My attitude is still good, but somewhere in the back of my mind warning bells are going off. I tune them out.
I do a granny shuffle on my skates over to the wall. This rink has a wall running along only one short side of the rink. That's not cool. Okay. Let's go back and forth along the wall a few times to get the feel of things. This is not so bad... the kids immediately head out around the rink with the fearlessness that accompanies childhood. Abby falls on her butt a few times but quickly gets the hang of it and starts going around fairly efficiently for a kid who has only done this a couple of times in her life.
Jackson falls on his butt a time or two, makes a drama production of falling and waits for me to notice, and then decides to quit. Too hard. I feel a bit of disappointment because he gives up on stuff he finds hard so quickly. I wish he'd just give it ten minutes. He goes over to the indoor playground and Sammy, Abby and I are left on the rink. Turns out if we had all followed Jackson's lead, things might have ended better.
Sammy lacks grace completely, but you can tell in his mind he's a roller skating dance star. I'd love to live in his mind for a day or two to see what it's like. He's happy though, going round and round. He's kind of shuffling, but he's not falling. I'm impressed.
Meanwhile I'm on the wall. Having gone back and forth several times I'm picking up speed and holding on to the wall less. I'm starting to gain a bit of confidence. This is harder than I remember ice skating to be. I wonder if I'd do better on the roller blades. They mimic ice skates more than the roller skates do, but it's too late now. I'm just going to go with the roller skates. Then it happens.
Why is it that when you fall it happens so fast but seems to go in agonizing slow motion. My skate clad foot slips suddenly from under me and my arms whirl in circles trying to maintain my balance. Evidently I whirled the wrong way, because out goes my other foot and I land hard on my butt. All 205 pounds of me. Before I have time to think "ouch" my upper half follows my bottom half and slams backwards onto the hard maple floor. My head punctuates the fall with a resounding crack that sends shockwaves through my whole body. The mom who is intelligently sitting at the picnic table on her laptop while her kids skate jumps up and runs around the wall from 20 feet away. She's like "are you okay???? I heard your head crack the floor from all the way over there!" I'm sitting there, having struggled to a sitting position. "I don't know" I answer truthfully,"I think I need to go sit for a bit". So I carefully shuffle my way over to the nearest seat and roller skating staff come up to me with a big bag of ice, for which I am thankful. Damn, that hurt. Yes, I said Damn. That was way too painful for a dang.
My kids gather around me, questioning me and coddling me. I, not wanting to wreck their fun, pretend to be just fine. "Oh, clumsy mommy bonked her head! I'll be fine! Just go skate, I'll join you in a minute!". In my head I'm thinking "great, I'm gonna have brain damage." I had just finished a book, THAT morning, about a woman's journey with brain injury. I texted my husband and told him that if my personality was changed when he got home to take me to the ER. I sat for a few minutes with the ice on my head. No goose egg was forming, and I was feeling ok, more or less, other than my head hurting like heck.
I granny shuffled back to the wall, but something had taken hold of me. FEAR. I was scared to keep roller skating. I was in a lot of throbbing head pain, and the fall had happened so fast and unexpectedly that I really was worried about falling again. To top things off, we had the rink basically to ourselves since we got there, but now a daycare came in and there were now about 35 kids speeding around the rink showing a good bit of skill that spoke of them coming here often. I felt even more old and clumsy and uncoordinated than I had just been starting to feel after the fall, but I was also worried about these moving landmines called the daycare kids. How much control could people moving that fast have? I mean, I certainly couldn't get out of the way quickly, so could they?
Abby urged me to try going around the outside of the rink with her, so I started slowly moving around the rink, praying to God I wouldn't fall again and smash my aching head. A nice lady came up to me and gave me some "first timer" tips. Look straight ahead, not at the floor. Keep my arms still, don't swing them. It helped. Thank you kind stranger! Soon Abby was way ahead of me, and I was making my way slowly around the rink. Eventually I got to the wall again and decided to hang out there for a while. I mean, why push my luck right? And then she fell.
My baby. She fell, and unlike the other times, she didn't get up. She didn't even move. She just curled up into a ball and lay there. I couldn't hear her from across the room, with the loud music, but I knew she was crying, because a mom just knows. Great. This is when I want to run to her and make sure she's okay. Obviously I can't run. I can barely stay on my feet. As quick as I can I skate over to her. I reach her, and then I pass her... I'm scared to try to stop using the rubber tip thing, because I can see myself flying forward onto my face, but I got up too much speed trying to get to her to actually glide nicely to a stop beside her. So I am trying to WILL my skates to slow and somehow, just the force of my will throws me off balance and I fall to the ground beside her. Onto my elbow. The most excruciating electric pain shoots from my elbow up to my fingertips and then suddenly I can't feel my arm at all. EXCEPT for my elbow, which is now throbbing in time to my head. I really want to burst into tears at this point because it hurts so so so bad, but mommy fear wins out and I kind of crawl over to my baby girl. "Abby, are you okay baby?"
"no mommy, it hurts!"
"what hurts"
"my wrist!'
I look at it. Go through the mommy check list
bones protruding through skin? no. check.
blood? no. check
swelling? no. check
I take her arm and gently flex her wrist up and down. she flinches but it moves. her fingers bend just fine. I start to breathe easier.
then I rotate her wrist back and forth a little.
She screams.
She pulls her arm away from me. "mommy, don't turn it, please don't turn it. It hurts." Tears are rolling down her face. By this time, we've attracted the attention of the sparkles people and two people approach.The DJ clears the rink of skaters and I totally don't feel conspicuous at all. yeah. They want to know if she's okay. She is just terrified they are going to turn her arm. she says "don't touch it, please, please, please!"
They take control. They start unlacing her roller skates, and I think to myself what a fabulous idea that is, and I start unlacing mine. I'm done with roller skating. By the time I have my skates off Abby is up and they are walking her off the rink. I follow and they bring her ice. They must have a good collection of baggies, because this is the second time today they've brought my family ice in a baggie.
Abby, who is a real trouper, and one of those kids who tends to wipe herself off and move on, is not moving on. She has completely lost her fabulous sense of humor, and as I hold her she just leans her head on me and looks at me with giant sad eyes. After 20 minutes she is still in pain, and though there is no discernible swelling or anything to indicate that this is more than maybe a bad sprain, my mommy instinct kicks in. I call Josh and ask him where I should go to get an x-ray. He suggests I wait a day, or a few hours. No, I have to go now. I just know. He is smart enough not to mess with mama bear instinct and directs me to Children's Healthcare. 35 dollar copay instead of 100 for ER. Smart man. I have a bad feeling, because my baby is not bouncing back, and if my baby is anything, she's bouncy. I have personally experienced the exquisite hardness of this floor twice today, and just maybe this is more than a sprain. Better safe than sorry.
I drop the boys at home and head to Childrens Healthcare in Duluth.
My trouper is not saying much. Once she says "mommy, why is it still hurting so much??" and I say "I don't know baby. that's why we are going to the doctor. He can x-ray it and see what is going on.". My girl is healthy. I don't know that she's ever even had an x-ray except at the dentist. I tell her that it won't hurt to get an x-ray and they won't give her a shot. I can tell she is still scared, but I also know she just doesn't want it to hurt anymore. She's willing to go to a strange doctor and get a strange xray if they will stop the hurting.
Children's was fabulous. We didn't have to wait more than about 20 minutes to see somebody, and quickly thereafter we... well...
The pictures tell it all.. ouchy Abby waiting for her x-ray. Yep, that's a broken arm. and happy Abby after a massive dose of motrin and a full arm cast.
Abby said "Mommy, I don't like roller skating anymore, and I don't want to have my next birthday party there after all".
I said "oh baby, I don't like roller skating either and I'm sorry your day was so bad. I wanted to give you a fun and memorable day before you left with daddy tomorrow, and instead your arm got broken"
She said "well, it WAS fun before I fell. and it WAS memorable. I won't forget breaking my arm!"
That's my girl. Looking on the bright side!
So my roller skating fantasy was just that. A fantasy. I am essentially a giant accident waiting to happen, and my children are not naturally athletically gifted, and what the heck was I thinking anyway.
really.
rollerskating sucks.
It is now sunday (actually monday morning, at 3:59 because my sleep has been all messed up since this happened) and I am just now starting to feel better. I have been slightly nauseous and not able to think clearly and quickly for 3 days now. Each day I feel a little better. Friday and Saturday I could barely move my body. I hurt everywhere. Today my body aches are much better. My elbow is black and purple and blue, my head aches where it hit the floor. I am struggling over spelling things and remembering things I ought to know. I believe I may have sustained a mild concussion.
I should have worn a helmet. Except I don't own one because I don't have a bike, and also, my roller skating fantasy didn't have anybody wearing helmets. Sending my baby off with her dad the day after she broke her arm just about killed me. I don't trust him with her because he is not me. I felt better that he brought a stuffy and a pillow when he picked her up. It made me feel he was worried about her comfort. I hope he spoils her some, because they are at a condo on the beach and she can't get her cast wet. How fun will that be? I pray he protects it from getting any sand in it. I pray she won't be itchy, swelling, or in any way uncomfortable. She can't even draw to pass the time, because she's right handed and broke her right wrist. Poor baby.
I don't even have an uplifting way to finish this post. No encouraging words to share.... except maybe that I encourage you to stay away from roller skating rinks :)
Tomorrow I try to get back to my workouts. I haven't done anything since last wednesday because I didn't feel well enough on friday to go workout and this weekend I have been resting and trying to get my brain working on all cylinders again. My trainer promises she will take it easy on me. As long as I have sneakers on my feet and not wheels I'll be okay I think.
I just thank God I didn't kill myself, or break something like Abby did. ugh.
Let's just call this a LEARNING EXPERIENCE. If something becomes a learning experience then it makes it better right? I learned that my baby is super tough and I'm so proud of her. I learned that I should not do exercise involving wheels. I learned that shaking up your brain, even a little, is a scary thing, and that I should avoid it at all costs. Last but not least I learned that writing a blog entry at 4 in the morning while mildly brain damaged does not make for a witty, nor even a really coherent blog.Does any of this even make sense to you all?
Live and learn, that's what this journey is all about, right? Live and learn.
My kids and I holding hands and gliding gracefully around the roller rink, laughing and having a fabulous time. Maybe one of the little ones would fall on their little behind. There'd be a shocked look on their face and then a burst of laughter. I'd reach down and pull them to their feet and off we'd go again.
Then, I dreamed of the calorie burn. Wow... rollerskating would be great exercise. Maybe I'd really like it, and be good at it (after all I grew up ice skating and was fine with that... how much harder than ice skating could it be?) and I'd start going there for good exercise a few times a week. I looked it up. 700 calories and hour! wow! awesome. I could feel the excitement in the air. That's it.
BUY DEAL NOW! Yes, please!
So thursday morning (the morning before they are due to go off with their dad for ten days to Florida) we set out to be at the door when it opens at 10. Everybody is really excited. This is a new experience for us. Sammy and Abby have roller-skated a few times with school events, but mom has never been with them, and Mom makes everything more fun! (I will be sad when this stops being true for them)
I took a few pictures for posterity. Here's Abby getting on her skates.
I stand. I wobble. Ok. This will take me a few minutes to get used to. I haven't ice skated for 10-15 years so it will take a few minutes to come back to me. My attitude is still good, but somewhere in the back of my mind warning bells are going off. I tune them out.
I do a granny shuffle on my skates over to the wall. This rink has a wall running along only one short side of the rink. That's not cool. Okay. Let's go back and forth along the wall a few times to get the feel of things. This is not so bad... the kids immediately head out around the rink with the fearlessness that accompanies childhood. Abby falls on her butt a few times but quickly gets the hang of it and starts going around fairly efficiently for a kid who has only done this a couple of times in her life.
Jackson falls on his butt a time or two, makes a drama production of falling and waits for me to notice, and then decides to quit. Too hard. I feel a bit of disappointment because he gives up on stuff he finds hard so quickly. I wish he'd just give it ten minutes. He goes over to the indoor playground and Sammy, Abby and I are left on the rink. Turns out if we had all followed Jackson's lead, things might have ended better. 
Sammy lacks grace completely, but you can tell in his mind he's a roller skating dance star. I'd love to live in his mind for a day or two to see what it's like. He's happy though, going round and round. He's kind of shuffling, but he's not falling. I'm impressed.
Why is it that when you fall it happens so fast but seems to go in agonizing slow motion. My skate clad foot slips suddenly from under me and my arms whirl in circles trying to maintain my balance. Evidently I whirled the wrong way, because out goes my other foot and I land hard on my butt. All 205 pounds of me. Before I have time to think "ouch" my upper half follows my bottom half and slams backwards onto the hard maple floor. My head punctuates the fall with a resounding crack that sends shockwaves through my whole body. The mom who is intelligently sitting at the picnic table on her laptop while her kids skate jumps up and runs around the wall from 20 feet away. She's like "are you okay???? I heard your head crack the floor from all the way over there!" I'm sitting there, having struggled to a sitting position. "I don't know" I answer truthfully,"I think I need to go sit for a bit". So I carefully shuffle my way over to the nearest seat and roller skating staff come up to me with a big bag of ice, for which I am thankful. Damn, that hurt. Yes, I said Damn. That was way too painful for a dang.
My kids gather around me, questioning me and coddling me. I, not wanting to wreck their fun, pretend to be just fine. "Oh, clumsy mommy bonked her head! I'll be fine! Just go skate, I'll join you in a minute!". In my head I'm thinking "great, I'm gonna have brain damage." I had just finished a book, THAT morning, about a woman's journey with brain injury. I texted my husband and told him that if my personality was changed when he got home to take me to the ER. I sat for a few minutes with the ice on my head. No goose egg was forming, and I was feeling ok, more or less, other than my head hurting like heck.
I granny shuffled back to the wall, but something had taken hold of me. FEAR. I was scared to keep roller skating. I was in a lot of throbbing head pain, and the fall had happened so fast and unexpectedly that I really was worried about falling again. To top things off, we had the rink basically to ourselves since we got there, but now a daycare came in and there were now about 35 kids speeding around the rink showing a good bit of skill that spoke of them coming here often. I felt even more old and clumsy and uncoordinated than I had just been starting to feel after the fall, but I was also worried about these moving landmines called the daycare kids. How much control could people moving that fast have? I mean, I certainly couldn't get out of the way quickly, so could they?
Abby urged me to try going around the outside of the rink with her, so I started slowly moving around the rink, praying to God I wouldn't fall again and smash my aching head. A nice lady came up to me and gave me some "first timer" tips. Look straight ahead, not at the floor. Keep my arms still, don't swing them. It helped. Thank you kind stranger! Soon Abby was way ahead of me, and I was making my way slowly around the rink. Eventually I got to the wall again and decided to hang out there for a while. I mean, why push my luck right? And then she fell.
My baby. She fell, and unlike the other times, she didn't get up. She didn't even move. She just curled up into a ball and lay there. I couldn't hear her from across the room, with the loud music, but I knew she was crying, because a mom just knows. Great. This is when I want to run to her and make sure she's okay. Obviously I can't run. I can barely stay on my feet. As quick as I can I skate over to her. I reach her, and then I pass her... I'm scared to try to stop using the rubber tip thing, because I can see myself flying forward onto my face, but I got up too much speed trying to get to her to actually glide nicely to a stop beside her. So I am trying to WILL my skates to slow and somehow, just the force of my will throws me off balance and I fall to the ground beside her. Onto my elbow. The most excruciating electric pain shoots from my elbow up to my fingertips and then suddenly I can't feel my arm at all. EXCEPT for my elbow, which is now throbbing in time to my head. I really want to burst into tears at this point because it hurts so so so bad, but mommy fear wins out and I kind of crawl over to my baby girl. "Abby, are you okay baby?"
"no mommy, it hurts!"
"what hurts"
"my wrist!'
I look at it. Go through the mommy check list
bones protruding through skin? no. check.
blood? no. check
swelling? no. check
I take her arm and gently flex her wrist up and down. she flinches but it moves. her fingers bend just fine. I start to breathe easier.
then I rotate her wrist back and forth a little.
She screams.
She pulls her arm away from me. "mommy, don't turn it, please don't turn it. It hurts." Tears are rolling down her face. By this time, we've attracted the attention of the sparkles people and two people approach.The DJ clears the rink of skaters and I totally don't feel conspicuous at all. yeah. They want to know if she's okay. She is just terrified they are going to turn her arm. she says "don't touch it, please, please, please!"
They take control. They start unlacing her roller skates, and I think to myself what a fabulous idea that is, and I start unlacing mine. I'm done with roller skating. By the time I have my skates off Abby is up and they are walking her off the rink. I follow and they bring her ice. They must have a good collection of baggies, because this is the second time today they've brought my family ice in a baggie.
Abby, who is a real trouper, and one of those kids who tends to wipe herself off and move on, is not moving on. She has completely lost her fabulous sense of humor, and as I hold her she just leans her head on me and looks at me with giant sad eyes. After 20 minutes she is still in pain, and though there is no discernible swelling or anything to indicate that this is more than maybe a bad sprain, my mommy instinct kicks in. I call Josh and ask him where I should go to get an x-ray. He suggests I wait a day, or a few hours. No, I have to go now. I just know. He is smart enough not to mess with mama bear instinct and directs me to Children's Healthcare. 35 dollar copay instead of 100 for ER. Smart man. I have a bad feeling, because my baby is not bouncing back, and if my baby is anything, she's bouncy. I have personally experienced the exquisite hardness of this floor twice today, and just maybe this is more than a sprain. Better safe than sorry.
I drop the boys at home and head to Childrens Healthcare in Duluth.
My trouper is not saying much. Once she says "mommy, why is it still hurting so much??" and I say "I don't know baby. that's why we are going to the doctor. He can x-ray it and see what is going on.". My girl is healthy. I don't know that she's ever even had an x-ray except at the dentist. I tell her that it won't hurt to get an x-ray and they won't give her a shot. I can tell she is still scared, but I also know she just doesn't want it to hurt anymore. She's willing to go to a strange doctor and get a strange xray if they will stop the hurting.
Children's was fabulous. We didn't have to wait more than about 20 minutes to see somebody, and quickly thereafter we... well...
The pictures tell it all.. ouchy Abby waiting for her x-ray. Yep, that's a broken arm. and happy Abby after a massive dose of motrin and a full arm cast.
Abby said "Mommy, I don't like roller skating anymore, and I don't want to have my next birthday party there after all".
I said "oh baby, I don't like roller skating either and I'm sorry your day was so bad. I wanted to give you a fun and memorable day before you left with daddy tomorrow, and instead your arm got broken"
She said "well, it WAS fun before I fell. and it WAS memorable. I won't forget breaking my arm!"
That's my girl. Looking on the bright side!
So my roller skating fantasy was just that. A fantasy. I am essentially a giant accident waiting to happen, and my children are not naturally athletically gifted, and what the heck was I thinking anyway.
really.
rollerskating sucks.
It is now sunday (actually monday morning, at 3:59 because my sleep has been all messed up since this happened) and I am just now starting to feel better. I have been slightly nauseous and not able to think clearly and quickly for 3 days now. Each day I feel a little better. Friday and Saturday I could barely move my body. I hurt everywhere. Today my body aches are much better. My elbow is black and purple and blue, my head aches where it hit the floor. I am struggling over spelling things and remembering things I ought to know. I believe I may have sustained a mild concussion.
I should have worn a helmet. Except I don't own one because I don't have a bike, and also, my roller skating fantasy didn't have anybody wearing helmets. Sending my baby off with her dad the day after she broke her arm just about killed me. I don't trust him with her because he is not me. I felt better that he brought a stuffy and a pillow when he picked her up. It made me feel he was worried about her comfort. I hope he spoils her some, because they are at a condo on the beach and she can't get her cast wet. How fun will that be? I pray he protects it from getting any sand in it. I pray she won't be itchy, swelling, or in any way uncomfortable. She can't even draw to pass the time, because she's right handed and broke her right wrist. Poor baby.
I don't even have an uplifting way to finish this post. No encouraging words to share.... except maybe that I encourage you to stay away from roller skating rinks :)
Tomorrow I try to get back to my workouts. I haven't done anything since last wednesday because I didn't feel well enough on friday to go workout and this weekend I have been resting and trying to get my brain working on all cylinders again. My trainer promises she will take it easy on me. As long as I have sneakers on my feet and not wheels I'll be okay I think.
I just thank God I didn't kill myself, or break something like Abby did. ugh.
Let's just call this a LEARNING EXPERIENCE. If something becomes a learning experience then it makes it better right? I learned that my baby is super tough and I'm so proud of her. I learned that I should not do exercise involving wheels. I learned that shaking up your brain, even a little, is a scary thing, and that I should avoid it at all costs. Last but not least I learned that writing a blog entry at 4 in the morning while mildly brain damaged does not make for a witty, nor even a really coherent blog.Does any of this even make sense to you all?
Live and learn, that's what this journey is all about, right? Live and learn.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Six Flags Adventure (or, wow, I'm an idiot and I have the pictures to prove it!!!)
I've lived in Georgia for 20 years and I've never been to Six Flags over Georgia. Yep, that's the sad truth. why, you may ask?
1. I don't like roller coasters. The older I get, the harder rides are for me. I get a vertigo thing that makes me very unhappy.
2. It's flippin' expensive!!! tickets are 54 dollars a person. parking is minimum 20. Food doesn't even start at under 8.00 an item. ack!
Well, this year 3 out of my 4 kids did a reading challenge thing at school and got free tickets to six flags. Since one of my kids was being homeschooled, that means I also got a free Teacher ticket! This means, only one ticket, for the oldest, had to be bought. I had a coupon to get it for 39 dollars. Okay, with a little planning I can do this..I think.
So off we go, ready to conquer the world, or at least Austell, GA. First, even though I have a GPS, I get lost in what amounts to the slums of Atlanta. My husband can't imagine how I get lost on what should be a simple three turn trip of an hour on major freeways, but I manage it. I miss an exit, and in trying to fix that I end up going in a multitude of squares through graffiti ridden neighborhoods for half an hour and finally get back on track and get to Six Flags around 11:30 (it opens at 10:30 so this isn't too bad). I pay the extra five dollars (yes, 25.00 for parking... these people are making a bloody killing!) so I can park close. I figure, after hours and hours at the park this is not the time my brood will be happy with my "park at the far end of the lot" philosophy!
I didn't start the day off well, diet wise. I did go to the gym before we left and worked out with Melissa, but we were in such a frenzy to leave that I forgot to eat breakfast and only as we were pulling out did I realize I was hungry and grabbed the only portable thing I could think of, which happened to be a ginormous apple fritter from my Abby's favorite main street market in Lilburn - fresh baked every Thursday. I had gotten some for the kids and Josh and accidentally bought 6 instead of 5. (I swear, it REALLY was an accident!) So I ate that, and it was GOOD. I figured, it's early morning and I'm going to be walking all day, so I will burn it off.
There was a 50% chance of thunderstorms, but it was really the only good day for us to go, so we went just kind of praying the weather would cooperate, and at first, it did. I found a caricature artist that had some great work out, and I always wanted some of the kids, so I splurged and got them done.
Josh said it looked like Jackson had just given Sammy a wedgie and Sammy was trying to decide if it would be too embarrassing to pull it out in public. Captured them perfectly.
Abby's hair was captured perfectly, and her cute little chipmunk cheeks.Elizabeth was a bit upset she didn't look prettier in the picture, and thought he made her face look weird. I actually think he captured that uncertain look she often has in her eyes just perfectly, and since it is a caricature, of course he would take that megawatt smile and make it huge! I love the pictures and they are going to hang in the kids rooms. That was a good start to the day.
I wanted to try to overcome my fear of roller coasters by going on one. Sammy and Abby, who have been to six flags with their dad, were our resident experts. They assured me that Goliath was a good roller coaster, but that it did not have any loops and that I never went upside down (these were my two conditions - after all - I wanted to conquer a fear, not get crazy). Okay, I say, I'll try this Goliath. First of all, I should have realized by the name that this was not going to be a nice gentle little roller coaster. I purposely did not really LOOK at the roller coaster because I did not want to frighten myself out of it. This is very easy to do, by the way. As soon as the coaster started I knew this was a bad idea. We started going UP. Way up. Then there was this terrifying slant that seemed to me to be in excess of 90 degrees. This is where I closed my eyes and opened my mouth in a terrified girly scream. I kept my eyes closed every time we were going up a hill or down a hill until the end of this nightmarish ride that I think lasted about 49 minutes. Maybe 51. Sammy says about 1 minute and 30 seconds, but I know this can't be right. 51 minutes. I'm sure. This means, at any rate, that my eyes were closed and my mouth open for about 99.7 percent of the ride. (that's about 50 minutes and 43 seconds)
I bought the picture.
I wanted to prove I had done it, because God knows, I won't be doing it again. Note the cruel truth of the matter in the picture below.
There was some good wind for catching cape blowing drama. Abby's natural theatrical bent came out in full force for this photo shoot. She was completely the serious crime fighting superhero! Well, soon enough the rain got to be a soaking rain and the thunder rumbles came one after another so we decided to take shelter under the game pavilion. I had 10 dollars in my fanny pack so I let the three little ones play a "pick the duck" game and they all won cool prizes. See below for aforementioned cool prizes.
meet the sponge bob hammer, Scratch the nerdy pencil and Squirt, the squid.
Abby started a trend at the park by tying the squid onto her head. Soon, there were many girls around her doing the same thing. It was a sea of squid heads. Quite funny. I should have taken a picture, but I didn't want other parents thinking I was some kind of creeper, taking pictures of their kids. The extra dollar I gave to Elizabeth and she promptly lost it trying to win a hello kitty doll.
So anyway. It is raining hard and we are hanging out in the game pavilion and I'm getting bored. I think to myself "Now would be an awesome time to take a picture of the superman ride because there is nobody in front of it." So I start walking out towards the ride (next to the pavilion) and realize too late that the water is a good three inches deep or more and my sneakers are immediately soaked through. ugh. oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound they say, so I sloshed through the water to the superman ride and lifted my camera for a picture. I took it, and a milisecond later, even before my camera reset, a huge bolt of cinema worthy lightning struck with vigor right behind the superman ride. My first thought was "crap, that would have made the most awesome picture!" and my second thought was "I'm standing in 4 inches of highly conductive water, and there is lightning and thunder crashing all around me all of a sudden. I'm an idiot". I walked extremely rapidly (okay, let's call it sprinting) back to the safety of the pavilion and stood there for a good minute getting my heart back to a decent pace. Yeah, that was stupid. Here's the picture. It is dark because of the heavy rain. Not a picture worth my life. If I would have fried over that picture I would have been up in heaven quite peeved with myself. duh.
Extra Pics: Here's Bugs Bunny and the gang, Elizabeth in her new glasses and necklace (also glasses!)
On the way out of the park Sammy pointed out that this was PART of Goliath, the roller coaster I rode. I'm glad I didn't look at it before hand. I would have chickened out. I took two more pictures of various parts of this mammoth coaster. It covers half the darn park it seems!
1. I don't like roller coasters. The older I get, the harder rides are for me. I get a vertigo thing that makes me very unhappy.
2. It's flippin' expensive!!! tickets are 54 dollars a person. parking is minimum 20. Food doesn't even start at under 8.00 an item. ack!
Well, this year 3 out of my 4 kids did a reading challenge thing at school and got free tickets to six flags. Since one of my kids was being homeschooled, that means I also got a free Teacher ticket! This means, only one ticket, for the oldest, had to be bought. I had a coupon to get it for 39 dollars. Okay, with a little planning I can do this..I think.
So off we go, ready to conquer the world, or at least Austell, GA. First, even though I have a GPS, I get lost in what amounts to the slums of Atlanta. My husband can't imagine how I get lost on what should be a simple three turn trip of an hour on major freeways, but I manage it. I miss an exit, and in trying to fix that I end up going in a multitude of squares through graffiti ridden neighborhoods for half an hour and finally get back on track and get to Six Flags around 11:30 (it opens at 10:30 so this isn't too bad). I pay the extra five dollars (yes, 25.00 for parking... these people are making a bloody killing!) so I can park close. I figure, after hours and hours at the park this is not the time my brood will be happy with my "park at the far end of the lot" philosophy!
I didn't start the day off well, diet wise. I did go to the gym before we left and worked out with Melissa, but we were in such a frenzy to leave that I forgot to eat breakfast and only as we were pulling out did I realize I was hungry and grabbed the only portable thing I could think of, which happened to be a ginormous apple fritter from my Abby's favorite main street market in Lilburn - fresh baked every Thursday. I had gotten some for the kids and Josh and accidentally bought 6 instead of 5. (I swear, it REALLY was an accident!) So I ate that, and it was GOOD. I figured, it's early morning and I'm going to be walking all day, so I will burn it off.
There was a 50% chance of thunderstorms, but it was really the only good day for us to go, so we went just kind of praying the weather would cooperate, and at first, it did. I found a caricature artist that had some great work out, and I always wanted some of the kids, so I splurged and got them done.
Josh said it looked like Jackson had just given Sammy a wedgie and Sammy was trying to decide if it would be too embarrassing to pull it out in public. Captured them perfectly.
Abby's hair was captured perfectly, and her cute little chipmunk cheeks.Elizabeth was a bit upset she didn't look prettier in the picture, and thought he made her face look weird. I actually think he captured that uncertain look she often has in her eyes just perfectly, and since it is a caricature, of course he would take that megawatt smile and make it huge! I love the pictures and they are going to hang in the kids rooms. That was a good start to the day.
I wanted to try to overcome my fear of roller coasters by going on one. Sammy and Abby, who have been to six flags with their dad, were our resident experts. They assured me that Goliath was a good roller coaster, but that it did not have any loops and that I never went upside down (these were my two conditions - after all - I wanted to conquer a fear, not get crazy). Okay, I say, I'll try this Goliath. First of all, I should have realized by the name that this was not going to be a nice gentle little roller coaster. I purposely did not really LOOK at the roller coaster because I did not want to frighten myself out of it. This is very easy to do, by the way. As soon as the coaster started I knew this was a bad idea. We started going UP. Way up. Then there was this terrifying slant that seemed to me to be in excess of 90 degrees. This is where I closed my eyes and opened my mouth in a terrified girly scream. I kept my eyes closed every time we were going up a hill or down a hill until the end of this nightmarish ride that I think lasted about 49 minutes. Maybe 51. Sammy says about 1 minute and 30 seconds, but I know this can't be right. 51 minutes. I'm sure. This means, at any rate, that my eyes were closed and my mouth open for about 99.7 percent of the ride. (that's about 50 minutes and 43 seconds)
I bought the picture.
I wanted to prove I had done it, because God knows, I won't be doing it again. Note the cruel truth of the matter in the picture below.
Yes, that's my 8 year old daughter, hands raised and grin on her cute little face beside her 40 year old mother who is screaming in white knuckled terror, eyes tightly closed against the truth of her cowardice. Yes, that's my 14 year old daughter, looking calm, collected, and camera ready.
Yes, that's my 11 year old son, and the pained look on his face is a mixture of pity for and embarrassment of his poor cowardly mother.
I did it though. So there.
....and the kids were REALLY proud of me.
After Goliath we went to a kinder gentler roller coaster called the Dahlonega Mine Train. It was probably for 8 or 9 year olds. I really liked this roller coaster! It was fun! Just my speed. We went on it 3 times. I even raised my hands the third time. I even rode in the front!
We did bumper cars, where my superior driving skills let me pummel all the kids. Sammy got off the ride bragging about how he had been bumping me the whole time. I said "no, I never got bumped" and he said "I was! You were in a yellow rainbow car, number 31" and I said "no, I was in a yellow rainbow car, number 16". So somewhere there is a fat woman out there who is wondering what that darn kid at Six Flags had against her.
We did a ride where we got in a log car and went up a watery hill, over, and down a watery hill. That is all there was to the ride and we got REALLY wet. It was fun. It was called splash waterfalls.
Somewhere in there we went to see the i-luminate show, which was really cool, and stopped for lunch at Panda Express. This was an exercise in frustration. I had said to myself "there is a panda express at the park, so we can save money by going there". Ha. Okay, first of all, the Panda Express at Six Flags does not have kids meals. This is a travesty of the worst kind! It has a limited menu, and the three entree plate is over 12 dollars! The next cheapest thing on the menu is over 10 dollars. Really??? How to feed all these kids and myself for under 100 dollars? I had already spent 50 dollars (count 'em, 50!) to buy refillable drink cups for everybody. We DID make good use of those cups, though I was not relishing spending another 50 bucks on food. So this is what I did.
I bought one 3 entree plate with two orange chickens, rice, and broccoli beef. I asked for three plates. I gave the broccoli beef to Jackson, and split the rice and orange chicken between the other three kids. I wasn't about to spend over 9 dollars on a panda bowl so I bought two veggie spring rolls for myself (3.29). So for under 15.50 I was able to feed all of us enough to get us by until 9:30 and a drive thru trip to taco bell (6 bucks, I love you Taco Bell!).
Then came my "I'm a horrible mommy" moment. I have one of these pretty much every day, but this was a pretty big one. Ever since we got to the park Abby had been begging to go to Skull Island, which is like a little mini water park inside Six Flags. I kept saying "patience, Abby, we'll get there". We stopped at the rides along the way, got the pictures done, had lunch, watched the show...Okay.. during this whole time I kept hearing "NOW can we go to Skull Island Mommy?" and I kept saying "We'll get there!"
Finally, around 4 in the afternoon as we are approaching Skull Island, people start streaming out of Skull Island and we are informed they JUST closed it down due to thunder. Abby just stands there, staring at Skull Island, tears streaming down her face.
Oh, I suck.
I suck.
I suck.
I felt SO horrible.
I assured her it was probably just a small storm and would pass momentarily and they would open the park again. Well, the park never opened again. Instead, we were treated to the scariest and most horrific thunder and lightning storm I've ever had the opportunity to be stuck out in. First, it was just raining. I felt super guilty so I bought the three little ones super hero capes. Since it was raining pretty hard, but not lightning or thunder we did an impromptu super hero photo shoot.
There was some good wind for catching cape blowing drama. Abby's natural theatrical bent came out in full force for this photo shoot. She was completely the serious crime fighting superhero! Well, soon enough the rain got to be a soaking rain and the thunder rumbles came one after another so we decided to take shelter under the game pavilion. I had 10 dollars in my fanny pack so I let the three little ones play a "pick the duck" game and they all won cool prizes. See below for aforementioned cool prizes.
meet the sponge bob hammer, Scratch the nerdy pencil and Squirt, the squid.Abby started a trend at the park by tying the squid onto her head. Soon, there were many girls around her doing the same thing. It was a sea of squid heads. Quite funny. I should have taken a picture, but I didn't want other parents thinking I was some kind of creeper, taking pictures of their kids. The extra dollar I gave to Elizabeth and she promptly lost it trying to win a hello kitty doll.
So anyway. It is raining hard and we are hanging out in the game pavilion and I'm getting bored. I think to myself "Now would be an awesome time to take a picture of the superman ride because there is nobody in front of it." So I start walking out towards the ride (next to the pavilion) and realize too late that the water is a good three inches deep or more and my sneakers are immediately soaked through. ugh. oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound they say, so I sloshed through the water to the superman ride and lifted my camera for a picture. I took it, and a milisecond later, even before my camera reset, a huge bolt of cinema worthy lightning struck with vigor right behind the superman ride. My first thought was "crap, that would have made the most awesome picture!" and my second thought was "I'm standing in 4 inches of highly conductive water, and there is lightning and thunder crashing all around me all of a sudden. I'm an idiot". I walked extremely rapidly (okay, let's call it sprinting) back to the safety of the pavilion and stood there for a good minute getting my heart back to a decent pace. Yeah, that was stupid. Here's the picture. It is dark because of the heavy rain. Not a picture worth my life. If I would have fried over that picture I would have been up in heaven quite peeved with myself. duh.
Shortly after I got back to the pavilion lightning struck the big St. Louis arch looking thingy. It's a ride and I don't know what the name is because you have to pay extra money to go on it, which doesn't attract my attention. So when it hit, it was so loud I thought it had hit the pavilion we were in. The power went out and Abby jumped about six feet. She could have beat the 8 year old pole vaulting record with that jump. A few minutes later we realized Sammy was missing. He had gone to the bathroom and hadn't come back. We sent Jackson in after him, only to find out that Sammy had heard the crash and decided the prudent thing to do would be to just hang out where he was for a while. My eldest boy has always had a healthy regard for his physical safety.
The lightning and thunder eventually passed.
The rain never really stopped completely and the rides never reopened, so at 8:30 we went and collected our souvenir pictures and toys and headed out. Remember that extra 5 dollars we paid for parking way back at the beginning of the day? All the kids were loving me a lot when we exited the park and like a beacon of rest our van was sitting there, essentially all alone, beckoning us to it's comfy (and nearby) seats. I drove home with bare feet. The kids all rode home with bare feet. There's a line of drying shoes out in the sun today.
wow.
fun day.
even the lightning storm and the wet feet.
and the three way sharing of the Panda Express
and the getting lost in the slums
(okay, maybe not that part)
sometimes you remember those things the most.
As for the fitness and diet. I walked 12900 steps yesterday. Over 5 miles. walked
14 flights of stairs (my fitbit tells me that is the equivalent of climbing that statue of Christ on top of the mountain in Brazil). That's a lot of walking and climbing. while waiting in line for the superman ride to reopen I walked in circles beside the line, just adding steps and exercise to my day. I ate the apple fritter, yes, but I'm pretty sure I burned it off, and though it was really carb heavy, I did eat it in the morning. I chose the inexpensive and fairly healthy spring vegetable rolls for lunch, and drank diet coke all day in my refillable cup. I went through Taco Bell drive through on the way home and got the kids supper, but I abstained and had a bowl of blueberries and light cool whip when I got home. So I feel I did good! There was even cotton candy there, and for anybody who has known me a while, you should know that cotton candy is very hard for me to resist. I'm a sugar addict and cotton candy is just flavored fluffy sugar!
I walked right past it.
I am making strides-
on my lifestyle plan.
not in my directional sense. I got lost on the way home too. blessings, Tanya
Extra Pics: Here's Bugs Bunny and the gang, Elizabeth in her new glasses and necklace (also glasses!)
Sammy and Elizabeth, early in the day when it was sunny and hot and everybody was happy :)
 |
| Jackson and Abby looking happy and sweet. In line for the monster mansion. |
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Gym Floor Meltdown (or, crap, the truth sucks!)
So today I had a meltdown at the gym. Yep - sitting there on the press machine I just started bawling like a baby. So... the story goes like this:
Yesterday was Sammy's birthday and I was feeling proud of myself for a number of reasons. He had requested perogies and cheesecake for his birthday meal. Not a problem. Mom can do this. I wanted to be a part of it (ie: I wanted to eat it too!) so I planned ahead. This is the first thing I was proud of, because historically I would just say "oh to heck with it" and eat whatever I wanted. I entered the perogies and the cheesecake into 'my fitness pal' before I even had breakfast. I wanted to see what I had left for the day. The plan was to then eat the rest of the day according to what I planned to have for supper.
Then, as a last minute decision in the middle of the afternoon, we decided to go to the movies. We go to the dollar theater and we grab some movie snacks at quicktrip before we go. I ALWAYS have sugar babies. the THEATER size box. I don't care. I just love them, and a movie isn't a movie without them. Even as I've been losing all this weight I have done this. It's just something I decided to work into my system. Granted, that's kind of hard. A box of sugar babies is about one full days worth of calories. Yep, you read it right. 1500 calories, give or take. I enjoy them and I don't feel guilty. However, as we perused the choices at quicktrip I saw this sugar free tube of gooey sour candy stuff. Only 30 calories! I decided to try that instead and save myself 1470 calories. Well, that stuff was really bad, but I was still proud of myself for making an alternate movie food choice.
Then, when I went to make supper, I cooked my perogies seperately with no oil. Just a bit of PAM to stop sticking. I was proud for making a healthier cooking choice.
Last, but not least, I went to the gym the morning of his birthday and walked on the treadmill on level 15 hill program (not easy!) for a half hour, and level 10 for a half hour. I did this solely to burn the calories I expected to be eating that night at dinner. So I was proud of exercising off my calories in advance.
I had weighed myself that morning and it seemed like the gain from last friday of 3.4 pounds was just water weight caused by the wrong time of the month, because I was all of a sudden down that weight and then some. So I was proud that I had watched my sodium, increased my water intake and got rid of that water weight.
So, as I mentioned, I was feeling pretty good on several fronts. Then I went to the gym. I warmed up on the treadmill for five minutes and then turned to meet my trainer who was doing the "tsk, tsk" motion with her fingers. You know the motion, the one that says "you've been very naughty!". I was all "what did I do?" and she was all "perogies and cheesecake? all those carbs at night? It's going to turn into fat if you eat all those carbs at night time."
POP.
That's the sound of my balloon bursting. My first instinct was to get mad. "Well, it was my son's birthday! If I can't celebrate I don't even want to do this!" She was all " have a big salad and one perogie" . I was all "they are mini perogies." One perogie would just be enough to piss me off! Seriously people! I told her "I don't want to just eat one perogie! I don't want the kids to think that eating healthy and being fit is about deprivation and not getting to join in the fun!" Melissa remained calm and said "I'm just saying, it's these little choices that make the difference. I know you want to get this weight off fast, and I'm telling you, if you'll restrict those carbs after 2 or 3 you will just see it melt off!"
Well, right about then was when my tears started flowing. Can I just say, and excuse my language, but damn my tears. I cry when I'm super happy. I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm mad. I just cry, but by golly, I've never cried at the gym before, and I kept thinking of Tom Hanks in a league of their own. "There's no crying in baseball!!!". There are a lot of big muscular men at my gym and I felt like there was a spotlight on me and that they were all thinking "there's no crying in working out!"
Truthfully, I'm sure hardly anyone noticed. After all, tears and sweat look very similar, and it isn't like I was weeping and wailing. I was just leaking tears from my eyes and angrily rubbing them away... repeatedly.
Then Melissa did the mom thing and comforted me, even though I probably am 10-15 years older than her. She told me how she's proud of how far I've come and she's just trying to point out the little things that could be holding me back. Then she did the trainer thing, and told me to get mad at her and work hard. I did work hard, but not because I was mad. Just like ever, I was determined, but darn that was rough. You know why?
The truth sucks.
Yep. Hurts, Sucks, Stinks, and rots. Sometimes you just don't want to hear it. I've made so many changes that for ME are huge. Maybe easy things for somebody else, I don't know, but for me.... EPIC changes. I've completely turned my lifestyle upside down. I'm learning to think a different way about food, about exercise, and about my health. I realized today just how much I've changed when Elizabeth asked me as we stopped at Sam's club "Mommy, why did you park here? There are a million spaces up there!" I said "It's exercise, and good for us!" and she spent a good minute arguing that my blueberries would melt on the way to the car if I parked ALL the way back there. Then I said "get out of the car you lazy butt, and walk!" LOL. Seriously, I used to be the one who would drive around for five minutes looking for the closest spot, and now I don't even pay attention to how far away a parking spot is, except maybe to purposely pick a further one! Working out is non-negotiable. At least 5 days a week I need to be at the gym or out doing a loop or two at the park. Weekends are my lazy time, and I'm even feeling the need on the weekends to get moving. Yes, I've changed.
Then there is Melissa. She's smiling at me. There she is with her perky little blond cute head telling me to change some more. Really? Can you not SEE how much I've changed? Yeah, she sees it. She's my biggest supporter in many ways. She wants me to succeed though. She'll walk through fire to make sure it happens! That includes giving me hell for what I eat. In many ways, the choices I made yesterday were good ones, but they weren't the BEST ones I could have made, and I think THAT is what Melissa was getting at.
Some days I want to defriend Melissa from 'my fitness pal' so she can't see my food diary, but it's good to be accountable to someone. It's good to have someone who can say "did you check the sodium on that fake crab?"(I had NO idea, it's HIGH!!!). So yeah. My feelings were hurt, my balloon was deflated, but when I went to Sam's club this afternoon I picked up a huge bag of lettuce and spinach knowing that I was going to have more salads for dinner and less carbs. Melissa is good for me. She tells me the truth, even when it hurts, and she points out the things that I might not notice since she is just weeks away from her masters in exercise science and has a lot more knowledge than I do about the human body and how it works. I trust that she has my best interest at heart, and though I don't agree with her on every little thing about food (no, I will NOT give up my miracle whip light. So you can stop asking me to.. it adds a low fat zest to my sandwich I am not willing to give up!) if I can get my emotions out of the way there is usually a lot of wisdom there for me to glean.
I think everyone needs a Melissa. A person who constantly pushes you to be your best, but understands when you can't be. The perfect mix between slave driver and friend. I found out that for me, that person can't be my husband. I don't want him to talk to me about what I eat. I want him to just support me and tell me how great I am doing and how much he loves me no matter what I weigh. I want him to make up silly songs about how skinny I'm getting. That makes me happy. A Melissa is the perfect compromise. I hope you all have a Melissa in your life, even if sometimes she does make you cry.
Yesterday was Sammy's birthday and I was feeling proud of myself for a number of reasons. He had requested perogies and cheesecake for his birthday meal. Not a problem. Mom can do this. I wanted to be a part of it (ie: I wanted to eat it too!) so I planned ahead. This is the first thing I was proud of, because historically I would just say "oh to heck with it" and eat whatever I wanted. I entered the perogies and the cheesecake into 'my fitness pal' before I even had breakfast. I wanted to see what I had left for the day. The plan was to then eat the rest of the day according to what I planned to have for supper.
Then, as a last minute decision in the middle of the afternoon, we decided to go to the movies. We go to the dollar theater and we grab some movie snacks at quicktrip before we go. I ALWAYS have sugar babies. the THEATER size box. I don't care. I just love them, and a movie isn't a movie without them. Even as I've been losing all this weight I have done this. It's just something I decided to work into my system. Granted, that's kind of hard. A box of sugar babies is about one full days worth of calories. Yep, you read it right. 1500 calories, give or take. I enjoy them and I don't feel guilty. However, as we perused the choices at quicktrip I saw this sugar free tube of gooey sour candy stuff. Only 30 calories! I decided to try that instead and save myself 1470 calories. Well, that stuff was really bad, but I was still proud of myself for making an alternate movie food choice.
Then, when I went to make supper, I cooked my perogies seperately with no oil. Just a bit of PAM to stop sticking. I was proud for making a healthier cooking choice.
Last, but not least, I went to the gym the morning of his birthday and walked on the treadmill on level 15 hill program (not easy!) for a half hour, and level 10 for a half hour. I did this solely to burn the calories I expected to be eating that night at dinner. So I was proud of exercising off my calories in advance.
I had weighed myself that morning and it seemed like the gain from last friday of 3.4 pounds was just water weight caused by the wrong time of the month, because I was all of a sudden down that weight and then some. So I was proud that I had watched my sodium, increased my water intake and got rid of that water weight.
So, as I mentioned, I was feeling pretty good on several fronts. Then I went to the gym. I warmed up on the treadmill for five minutes and then turned to meet my trainer who was doing the "tsk, tsk" motion with her fingers. You know the motion, the one that says "you've been very naughty!". I was all "what did I do?" and she was all "perogies and cheesecake? all those carbs at night? It's going to turn into fat if you eat all those carbs at night time."
POP.
That's the sound of my balloon bursting. My first instinct was to get mad. "Well, it was my son's birthday! If I can't celebrate I don't even want to do this!" She was all " have a big salad and one perogie" . I was all "they are mini perogies." One perogie would just be enough to piss me off! Seriously people! I told her "I don't want to just eat one perogie! I don't want the kids to think that eating healthy and being fit is about deprivation and not getting to join in the fun!" Melissa remained calm and said "I'm just saying, it's these little choices that make the difference. I know you want to get this weight off fast, and I'm telling you, if you'll restrict those carbs after 2 or 3 you will just see it melt off!"
Well, right about then was when my tears started flowing. Can I just say, and excuse my language, but damn my tears. I cry when I'm super happy. I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm mad. I just cry, but by golly, I've never cried at the gym before, and I kept thinking of Tom Hanks in a league of their own. "There's no crying in baseball!!!". There are a lot of big muscular men at my gym and I felt like there was a spotlight on me and that they were all thinking "there's no crying in working out!"
Truthfully, I'm sure hardly anyone noticed. After all, tears and sweat look very similar, and it isn't like I was weeping and wailing. I was just leaking tears from my eyes and angrily rubbing them away... repeatedly.
Then Melissa did the mom thing and comforted me, even though I probably am 10-15 years older than her. She told me how she's proud of how far I've come and she's just trying to point out the little things that could be holding me back. Then she did the trainer thing, and told me to get mad at her and work hard. I did work hard, but not because I was mad. Just like ever, I was determined, but darn that was rough. You know why?
The truth sucks.
Yep. Hurts, Sucks, Stinks, and rots. Sometimes you just don't want to hear it. I've made so many changes that for ME are huge. Maybe easy things for somebody else, I don't know, but for me.... EPIC changes. I've completely turned my lifestyle upside down. I'm learning to think a different way about food, about exercise, and about my health. I realized today just how much I've changed when Elizabeth asked me as we stopped at Sam's club "Mommy, why did you park here? There are a million spaces up there!" I said "It's exercise, and good for us!" and she spent a good minute arguing that my blueberries would melt on the way to the car if I parked ALL the way back there. Then I said "get out of the car you lazy butt, and walk!" LOL. Seriously, I used to be the one who would drive around for five minutes looking for the closest spot, and now I don't even pay attention to how far away a parking spot is, except maybe to purposely pick a further one! Working out is non-negotiable. At least 5 days a week I need to be at the gym or out doing a loop or two at the park. Weekends are my lazy time, and I'm even feeling the need on the weekends to get moving. Yes, I've changed.
Then there is Melissa. She's smiling at me. There she is with her perky little blond cute head telling me to change some more. Really? Can you not SEE how much I've changed? Yeah, she sees it. She's my biggest supporter in many ways. She wants me to succeed though. She'll walk through fire to make sure it happens! That includes giving me hell for what I eat. In many ways, the choices I made yesterday were good ones, but they weren't the BEST ones I could have made, and I think THAT is what Melissa was getting at.
Some days I want to defriend Melissa from 'my fitness pal' so she can't see my food diary, but it's good to be accountable to someone. It's good to have someone who can say "did you check the sodium on that fake crab?"(I had NO idea, it's HIGH!!!). So yeah. My feelings were hurt, my balloon was deflated, but when I went to Sam's club this afternoon I picked up a huge bag of lettuce and spinach knowing that I was going to have more salads for dinner and less carbs. Melissa is good for me. She tells me the truth, even when it hurts, and she points out the things that I might not notice since she is just weeks away from her masters in exercise science and has a lot more knowledge than I do about the human body and how it works. I trust that she has my best interest at heart, and though I don't agree with her on every little thing about food (no, I will NOT give up my miracle whip light. So you can stop asking me to.. it adds a low fat zest to my sandwich I am not willing to give up!) if I can get my emotions out of the way there is usually a lot of wisdom there for me to glean.
I think everyone needs a Melissa. A person who constantly pushes you to be your best, but understands when you can't be. The perfect mix between slave driver and friend. I found out that for me, that person can't be my husband. I don't want him to talk to me about what I eat. I want him to just support me and tell me how great I am doing and how much he loves me no matter what I weigh. I want him to make up silly songs about how skinny I'm getting. That makes me happy. A Melissa is the perfect compromise. I hope you all have a Melissa in your life, even if sometimes she does make you cry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)